it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
