shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
