I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
