I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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