she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
