oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
