He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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