The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
