So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
