theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
