yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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