Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
