I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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