i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
