it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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