I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
