Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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