the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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