Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
