I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
