in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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