Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
