She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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