Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
