Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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