its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
