brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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