Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
