her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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