That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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