You just made me feel so damn special
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
