We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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