i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
