Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
