I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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