I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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