i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
