so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
