I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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