he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
