I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
