you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
