:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
