Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize