Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
