Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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