I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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