so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
