Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club š
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
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