Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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