I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
