I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
