I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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