how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
