I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sober January is a disaster.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize