Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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