I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
