so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
