was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
