This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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