I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
