my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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