i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
