Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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