If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
