i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
