I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize