If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize