where am i from again
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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